Building Resilience: How to Overcome Crises and Master Life

Breakups, job loss, illness: While crises plunge some people into helplessness and deep self-pity, others are able to quickly overcome their lowest points. They manage, through their own efforts, to solve problems and face life’s challenges anew.

These people possess an important quality: resilience.
The term is often translated as “resilience.”

In this guide, you’ll learn whether resilience—an indispensable strength of our psyche—is something that can be learned or is innate, and what traits resilient people share.

We’ll also show you how resilience training can strengthen your resilience and mental health so that nothing can knock you down so easily.

The word “resilience” comes from the Latin resilire, which means “to spring back” or “to bounce off.” Loosely translated, resilience means “resistance.” The term is used in various scientific fields, such as physics and medicine.

Among other things, it is used to describe materials that return to their original state after being subjected to extreme stress—like a rubber band.

1.1. Resilience in Psychology

In psychology, resilience refers to the ability of individuals or groups to weather crises, disasters, and other difficult life situations and to recover from them without lasting impairment.

Resilient people are able to embrace change and adapt their behavior to prevent future crises. After a major setback, they rise again to their full potential and continue to shape their lives with unwavering determination. Resilience is a complex interplay of various resources and traits. More on this later in this article.

1.2. Examples of Resilience

Resilience can be observed in various contexts. It plays just as significant a role in individual lives as it does in global crises that affect everyone.

One example is climate change: Instead of succumbing to a sense of powerlessness, many communities are actively addressing global warming. They are adapting their lifestyles to protect the environment. That is resilience.

Or consider this: After a painful breakup with a partner, Person A isolates themselves and remains in a state of grief and self-pity for months—the typical image of a person who has been abandoned. Meeting someone new is out of the question for them.

Person B, who has developed resilience, quickly manages to overcome their pain, accept the breakup, and adjust their behavior so that they can enter into a new relationship.

Resilience is an important skill for both an individual’s well-being and the survival of communities. The good news is that, according to studies, most people exhibit a high degree of resilience. This means that, fundamentally, each and every one of us is capable of weathering difficult times unscathed and coping well with setbacks.

In children and adolescents, resilience as a personality trait is generally understood as a positive response to difficult life circumstances. These include, for example, poverty, drug use, or domestic violence. Resilient children who grow up in such environments are able to distance themselves from these circumstances and lead successful, meaningful lives despite the risk factors. Resilience as a trait in adults, on the other hand, refers to the ability to carry on and recover after a life crisis or a traumatic experience.

2.1. What defines a resilient person?

Resilient people have learned to take responsibility for their lives. They know that they can take control of their own destiny and are not victims of external circumstances. Resilience is a kind of protective shield that allows stress, self-pity, and helplessness to roll off. Resilient individuals are considered resilient, optimistic, attentive, and full of self-confidence. After a crisis, they see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The opposite of resilience is vulnerability. People who are emotionally vulnerable or prone to distress tend to react to crises with addictions rather than protective factors, anxiety disorders, depression, or other mental health conditions.

2.2. Is resilience innate or learned?

There is evidence that resilience may be at least partially innate. The “5-HTTLPR” gene may play an important role. Among other things, it regulates the uptake and release of the “happiness hormone” serotonin. It is also involved in the breakdown of the stress hormone norepinephrine. Here’s the interesting part: there is a short and a long form of the gene. People with the longer 5-HTTLPR variant are said to be less susceptible to stress and to experience moments of happiness more frequently—two factors that strengthen resilience. Do you have this long “resilience gene”? The likelihood is high, as it is believed to be innate in 99.5 percent of the population.

Furthermore, there is evidence that the growth of nerve cells in the brain influences resilience. People with good nerve cell growth are said to be better able to cope with difficult situations. In addition, the way stress or trauma is processed in the prefrontal cortex appears to determine how people deal with crises.

Furthermore, resilience could be the result of various factors, some of which are believed to be hereditary, such as intelligence, optimism, and extraversion (the ability to reach out to others and form social bonds).

However, according to scientists, a stable social environment, positive caregivers, and support during early childhood are far more important than genetic factors in the development of resilience. Based on the current state of research, resilience—as a personality trait—can change over the course of a lifetime and is therefore something that can be learned. This means you can train your resilience just like a muscle. We’ll show you how to do that later in this article.

4. Characteristics of Resilient People: The 7 Pillars of Resilience

Resilience refers to the ability to cope well with stress and recover from crises quickly without suffering lasting psychological damage. There are a number of traits that can help you achieve this. The more of these personality traits you possess, the more resilient you are.

Below, we’ll introduce you to the traits that resilient people have in common. These are the seven pillars of resilience, based on the research of Dr. Karen Reivich and Dr. Andrew Shatté (The Resilience Factor: 7 Keys to Finding Your Inner Strength and Overcoming Life’s Hurdles).

4.1. Self-Awareness

Resilient people trust in their abilities and are aware of their own strengths and weaknesses. They reflect on their behavior, can understand and properly interpret feedback from others, and are therefore not easily unsettled by criticism or rejection. Self-confident people generally take an active role in shaping their lives rather than seeing themselves as victims of external circumstances. When they face a crisis, they intuitively know: I can handle this.

4.2. Openness and a Focus on Networking

A focus on networking means consciously building and maintaining stable relationships. This includes getting involved in a community and supporting one another. A prerequisite for this is openness toward other people. Resilient individuals have the courage to ask for help and do not shy away from new ways to overcome a crisis or from creative strategies to solve their problems.

4.3. Responsibility and Self-Regulation

Resilient people take responsibility for their own feelings. They possess strong emotional intelligence and maturity. On the one hand, this means they have the ability to recognize their own feelings as well as those of others, to understand them, and thereby to influence and make use of them. At the same time, they are able to quickly regulate their emotions after emotional stress and regain their full capacity to act.

4.4. Optimism

For resilience researchers, an optimistic outlook is one of the key resources for navigating life with resilience. Resilient people are able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. They demonstrate a willingness to learn from setbacks or, at the very least, to remain positive.

True to the motto: “It didn’t work out this time, but next time I’ll succeed.”

4.5. Acceptance

It may sound paradoxical, but resilient people do not resist when they face a crisis. They are able to accept circumstances beyond their control and make the best of them. As a result, resilient people do not fall as deeply in difficult situations and are able to get back on their feet all the more quickly.

4.6. Control Over Actions and Solution-Oriented Thinking

Instead of reacting impulsively to external stimuli, resilient people can control their behavior and act in a thoughtful, solution-oriented manner. They are able to identify and analyze the causes of a negative experience. In this way, they can proactively devise solutions and prevent further setbacks.

Self-control also helps them forgo immediate rewards in favor of a higher goal. This ability is also known as “delayed gratification” and is an important trait when it comes to resilience.

4.7. Realism and Future Orientation

Having a clear, realistic vision of one’s future is a key component of resilience. Those who set achievable goals and approach life with healthy realism are better protected against setbacks and better prepared for difficult situations such as the death of a parent.

Events like these do not throw resilient people off course as much as they do people who escape reality, live in their own bubble, or see everything through rose-colored glasses. A critical examination of one’s own goals and visions also helps one be prepared for potential challenges and deal constructively with negative emotions.

There is evidence that resilience is partly innate. Nevertheless, resilience as a personality trait can and must be cultivated. Below, we provide tips and exercises to help you build your resilience.

5.1. Consciously Take Breaks When Stressed

When you’re under a lot of stress, your brain goes into autopilot: You can’t think clearly, and your only options are fight or flight—after all, for your brain, it’s a matter of survival in that moment. People with strong resilience are aware of their emotional reactions to stress and take a break in precisely these kinds of situations. Instead of, for example, immediately losing your temper, you can tell yourself: “I recognize that I’m angry, but I don’t have to react to my anger.” This realization is your superpower. The break strengthens your resilience.

5.2. Accept Change

“Nothing is as constant as change,” as Heraclitus of Ephesus (535–475 B.C.) once observed. Humans have always been confronted with change. And yet, we often refuse to accept it. But if you come to terms with the fact that everything changes—including yourself—you can learn to accept even crises as part of life. Accepting change—which also includes setbacks—is an important step toward greater resilience.

Tip: If you find it difficult to cope with change, take a moment to reflect on the positive turning points in your life over the past few years. Haven’t they actually helped you move forward and grow?

5.2. Reflect on Past Crises

If you want to strengthen your resilience, you must come to terms with crises and recognize that difficulties are not insurmountable. To do this, take stock of your past setbacks. These could include losing a job, a breakup, an argument, or an illness.

Who were you before this crisis, and who are you now? What helped you recover? Did this difficult time teach you anything? Are there perhaps even things that came out of it for which you’re grateful today?

Reflecting on crises can help you see them in a positive light and take some of the weight off them.

5.3. Set Realistic Goals

A cornerstone of resilience is self-confidence. To build or strengthen this quality, it makes sense to set realistic goals. As soon as you achieve one, you gain more confidence in your abilities—and thus in your ability to overcome challenges.

How can you do this? Realistic goals are SMART: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. This means you have a concrete idea of what you want to achieve and by when, and you can measure the result.

For example: I want to lose five kilograms in six months. It’s also important that you genuinely want to achieve your goal—for yourself and no one else!—and that it’s relevant to your life. For example: I want to lose weight so I can stay healthy and fit for a long time.

5.4. Get Your Problems Off Your Chest

Dealing openly with your difficulties is another important step toward greater resilience. Many people keep a journal in which they write down their thoughts, worries, fears, and feelings. This process can be very liberating. In addition, this kind of self-reflection can help you come up with creative solutions or shift your perspective and view a crisis as an opportunity.

Tip: Open a double-page spread in your notebook. On the left, write down everything that’s on your mind without overthinking it. Set the journal aside and don’t open it again until the next day. Read through your entry and take notes on the right-hand page. As you do so, put yourself in the shoes of a good friend. How would he or she respond to your thoughts, and what helpful advice might they offer?

5.5. Review Your Social Circle and Build Strong Relationships

One theory suggests that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Take a moment to review your social circle: What does your environment teach you about resilience? Do the people in your life demonstrate the qualities of resilient people mentioned above? Do they support you through good times and bad? Do they reliably offer you emotional support?

Perhaps it’s time to make new connections or deepen your current relationships with family and friends. After all, a stable, positive social environment is one of the central pillars of resilience. Who would you call if you were in a crisis, and when was the last time you spoke with that person?

Our tip: Call that person today and reconnect.

5.6. Meditate regularly to build resilience

Meditation, as a practice of mindfulness, has been proven to have many positive effects. If you take time to pause regularly and focus on your breath, a mantra, or a visualization, you can find inner peace and strength. Meditation is meant not only to make you more relaxed and counteract stress, but also to reduce anxiety. These are all important factors when it comes to your resilience.

If you’d like to try meditation, check out our guide on the topic—it’s full of practical tips for beginners: Learning to Meditate: An Introduction to Meditation

And if meditation isn’t for you, discover other effective relaxation techniques here.

5.7. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Another way to build resilience is to consciously take on challenges and step outside your comfort zone to do so. You can’t lose: Either you’ll discover just how strong you really are and deepen your confidence in your abilities, or—if you face a setback—you’ll gain valuable experience and learn to deal with setbacks constructively.

So, let’s be honest: When was the last time you learned something new or took a risk? What could you try this week?

5.8. Focus on a Healthy Lifestyle

Even the most resilient people will struggle to recover from adversity if they don’t take good care of themselves. The very basic healthy habits—enough sleep, a healthy diet, regular exercise—are the foundation of our ability to cope with stress, anxiety, or resistance.

It’s quite simple: If you don’t get enough sleep, barely move your body, and don’t eat enough, you’ll simply lack energy. Your immune system is more vulnerable, and your brain can’t function at its best. As a result, you’ll find it harder to cope with challenges. You’ve probably had a night where you slept poorly or didn’t eat enough during the day, and afterward, you had a much shorter fuse or felt particularly emotional.

So keep this in mind: You’ll be more resilient in a future crisis and recover from it more quickly if you stick to the basics of a healthy lifestyle.

We’ve put together some sleep tips for you here: Sleep Well: Getting Better Sleep Made Easy